true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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