just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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