First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
