Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
