Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
