There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
