I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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