idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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