So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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