he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
