She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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