The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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