Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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