i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
