Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
