just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
