There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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