The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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