nutella sex= disaster
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
