He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
