So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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