Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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