She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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