I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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