what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
