DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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