did you get engaged???
She is in my trunk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
