it was like his penis was on wheels.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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