4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I believe in your delicious
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
