she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
