the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
