Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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