Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
