Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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