Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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