people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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