I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
