Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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