ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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