I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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