2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
