life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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