Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
