He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
