I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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