K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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