What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
