I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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