his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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