I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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